Monday, December 28, 2009

Top 7 Artists of MMIX

And so as this binding, semi-depressing, writhing, sanguine year comes to its cessation, the Electrc industry continues to volley the simple existence of mainstream and its evils. Producer after artist after DJ rise above the economical state of depression and bring the people what they so desperately need - more harmonious bullshit that'll probably leave us all deaf in 30 years time. Today I'll do you the lawful favor of recapping the year with the top artists and their stupidly fresh sounds (warning: this is a huge ass post. Apologies for the detailed descriptions are thrown in advance).


I'll start the list off with an artist you all should be well accustomed with (if you're not, just go and off yourself). Yes, I understand that his incredibly dope basslines might fool you, but he's a cutie on the inside. Sound Pellegrino really outdid themselves by signing this underrated force. I mean who else could take vocal after sample and murk them with the type of kickdrum to make the least of dancers rise and dry-hump the following whore on the dance floor? Well, obviously a couple of other artists cause he only made it to #7 on my prestigious list.

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:


I mean besides the fact that he practically - and solely (yeah fuck Rusko) - brought the Dubstep world to it's eminently broadcasted life, he might just be responsible for Bassturd's infatuation with the slow paced buildups and numbing basslines that force the twitch out of every corner of one's domepiece and collective body. Sadly, he hasn't stepped out of his Dub-influenced zone - keeping him a little lower on the list than expected. All in all he is that acclaimed nig.

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:

I Remember (Caspa Remix) - Deadmau5 & Kaskade [quite possibly the best remix of the year]

Right Hand Hi (Caspa Remix) - Kid Sister [previously posted]

Hard (Caspa & The Others 'The Dub Police Takeover Remix) - Breakage ft. Newham Generals & David Rodigan


I'm gonna safely conclude that the genesis and soul of the dopeness in his all of his tracks is elicited by the warped and folded claps he uses in his remixes. Like who the hell thinks of that? How does someone figure that a layered clap could add so much impact on a track? Tis genius. HiJack had a hefty ass year, and his peak has yet to be even remotely distinguished. Sadly enough, without the ingenious propositions, he really wouldn't have much to work around. Ah well. He gets me off my ass (no homo) every time his beats drop.

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:


OK, he's not the best looking of males, but did you hear his remix to Tinny's foreign language bomb!? Gewd gawd, help the next person that hears that in a club. He moves from "The Omega Step" to Electro feedbacks that just shatter any industrialized, musical barrier. I mean at the release of Trick O Treat On Electrc Street, I hadn't fully grasped the magnitude of his stuff. Luckily, for you, I did my Australian producer/kingpin/ sex god research, and I became a bigger fan. If only he was halfway attractive :/

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:

Not Alone (Doorly Remix) - Calvin Harris [inducted into Halloween Mixtape:Trick O Treat On Electrc Street]

London Town (Doorly's Cockney Wideboy Remix) - Man Like Me [previously posted]

Zingolo (Doorly Remix) - Tinny [wtf did she say?]


I will never understand how such acumen can be introduced to such primitive styles of music and bass. The he-man has collabed Tribal, Electro, House, Fidget, Bassline authorities into his tracks like a Mexican Crock Pot. He throws down some of the biggest kick drops ever blessed to the human ear, and he still has time to do tours and work with the greatest artists that the mainstream flow has to offer (i.e. David Guetta, Pitbull, etc.). Damn, but you all know how I "love" the mainstream. This is why you are but numba tree, Afrojack. It's fine, did I mention he's Dutch?

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:

Cool (Afrojack Remix) - Spencer & Hill [previously posted]

Better Run (Afrojack Remix) - Tocadisco & Nadia Ali

Toyfriend (ft Wynter Gordon) - David Guetta & Afrojack

Let's Make Nasty (Afrojack Remix) - Larry Tee Feat. Roxy Cottontail

Daft Sound (Original Bootleg) - Afrojack ["I just wanna sound like Daft Punk"]

#2 L-VIS 1990

Need I mention how nicely 2009 has treated this young melodious brute? I mean, yes, I've dedicated many a post to the accession of his extant fame, and I still haven't embodied just how dope this fool is. The British 19-year old Behemoth stormed the greatest labels the UK has to offer (specifically Mad Decent & Sound Pellegrino) with no hesitation or delay - except for the kinds he uses in his tracks lololololol. He's passionately produced EP's and countless re-edits just dedicated to make you and your neighbors move. One can't help to bob at his alluring noises, resonances, and vocal quirks. He just might be too massive for his own good.

Proofs of Absolute Freshness:


Doth thou need further explanation?

Numerous Proofs of Absolute, Unquestionable Two-Thousand and Nine Freshness:

Hey! (Original Mix) - Laidback Luke & Diplo

Angels (Diplo Remix) - Dirty Money

Murderer (Diplo & Jayou Remix) - The Partysquad

Keep It Goin' Louder (Diplo Remix) - Major Lazer

Turn That Shit Up (Diplo Remix) - Tom Stephan [GODZAMN WHAT A TUNE!!!!]

Get Up (Diplo Remix) - Bingo Players

Mad Decent Records  <----- his record company.

"But Edward Bassturd, what makes you so certain that your list is based on statistical authenticity and not just absurd opinion? Like who the hell do you think you are making a list?"

Yup, coolstorybro.

p.s. If you've read this far, you are a fan, and I will have your kids. Thank you :D

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